A new leaf from the calendar!

I am thankful to the years that thought me to differentiate between dreams and aspirations, success and achievement, forgiveness and pity, confidence and peace, fear and insecurity, technology and dependence. I have unlearn to have a plan, because if someone asked me 8 years back about my plans for 5 years I thought I had it all sorted only to realize that your plans are never yours, so I have devised a backup plan not to have a plan at all and go with the flow. Instead I have made few goals and trying all the possible things to reach there.

I am thankful to the years that thought me to differentiate between dreams and aspirations, success and achievement, forgiveness and pity, confidence and peace, fear and insecurity, technology and dependence. I have unlearn to have a plan, because if someone asked me 8 years back about my plans for 5 years I thought I had it all sorted only to realize that your plans are never yours, so I have devised a backup plan not to have a plan at all and go with the flow. Instead I have made few goals and trying all the possible things to reach there.

I am thankful that today I can raise voice with an opinion, be happy for the friends who were once very close to me and now they only exist in my social media pages, I no longer feel left out or the urge to be part of the rat race. I do appreciate that its one life and one must experience whatever life throws at you. I am thankful that I have become stronger every time I have a let down. I am thankful to realize there will be many who will swing in and out of your life yet in the end you will only see your family standing there with hopes. Some will keep you as an option and few more closer ones will always judge you but that’s how it is and it only makes clearer about people’s stand in your life.

I am thankful that today I don’t feel the compulsion to have people around me, I still can’t believe I enjoy my company, I go to restaurants and certainly enjoy my meal all alone. I can now travel without feeling the jitters of travelling alone. I am thankful to see the number of people turn up to me for advices or only for chats. I am thankful today I think it’s better to buy gold than cloths. I am thankful that I love to take vacation with my family as much as I would with friends.

I am thankful that few things in me are still intact and I don’t see its going to change ever, my love for food, my love for animals, my love for music, and I still think I will be there with people in their bad times than being part of their happy times.

It has been a long journey, there are lots to learn, lots to achieve, and lots to be grateful for. I am grateful that I have a better life than many may dream of, as I end here, I certainly cannot agree more to the verses from my favorite song…

“tujhse naaraz nahin zindagi hairan hoon main, tere masoom sawaalon se pareshan hoon main, jeene ke liye sochaa hi nahin dard sambhaalne honge, muskuraye to muskurane ke karz utaarne honge, muskuraye jo kabhi to lagta hai jaise hothon pe karz rakha hai aankh agar bhar aai hain boondein baras jayengi, kal kya pata kis ke liye aankhen taras jayengi, jaane kahan gum hua kahan kho gaya, ek aansoo chhupa ke rakha tha, zindagi tere gham ne hume rishte naye samjhaye, dhoop mein mile jo bhi mile pyar ke thande saaye... “

A phase I may come back to find solace in the words.

Does one sided feeling happen at this age, somehow it seems so childish yet it is an integral part of an adult life more than in any phase. I was so sure of my choices, I know things take time, esp human relationship because its two different people coming together and trying to set a common ground. I have met some amazing guys, I mean such amazing souls that I just cant bring myself to terms, they could walk all over you.These men are the ones, if you meet them on a rainy day, they'll be the first people who will offer you an umbrella and safeguard you.

Strangely when it comes to emotional (romantic) bonding they can be as cold as a ice.I wonder do they realize? Or their fantasy overpowers their practical side. Or is it me that I establish  myself as someone too self-content or gullible. Well, I am self- content yes, because I don't want to be in anyone's life as a liability. I want to love someone, dedicate my time because they mean so much. Is it so wrong to not portray yourself as vulnerable, I am genuinely confused.

Why do we have to compromise love, why unwarranted factors are so important, why cant feeling be about feelings, why it has become business like  transaction. And it is even more strange that people justify it, people justify all the manipulations over unconditional love. All great stories and life experiences teach us to love unconditionally, respect even if you are not receiving it, yet when it comes to realization we tend to adapt to rules which has nothing to do with true feelings but rules framed to fit. A baby is not thought to love its birth giver, it is the most unrefined and form, no one is thought to love or being kind. It is the most innate human characteristics. But we are all busy proving a point which is otherwise.

I am a child trapped in a grown-up body, which is why I can immediately recognize whom I want in my life and am the most comfortable with. Well when we talk about relationships, love, feelings, how can we ignore responsibility, the most important to bind everything together. Responsibility again has some grotesque definitions, more often or so people envelop command and order in the form of responsibility. So if you oblige with what people say and follow the order you are the most responsible. However, there's hardly any person who will notice  your involuntary contribution. How elusive! We have such strong definition affiliated with responsibility, if at home your idea of unwinding is just being in your space not talking, you are termed as irresponsible or detached, cant someone rather notice this as an aspects of ones characteristics, as they are so relaxed in the comfort and warmth of their home, the only place in the world where they want to feel freedom even in the four walls of the house.

I mostly follow my heart and yes I have faced pitfalls but at the end of all the heartaches and troubles, I pat myself that I tried sincerely and survived all. I have hurt people in the past and I really am sorry of being such a ludicrous of a person. Despite, I don't want to turn back time. I don't want to be here either, I do want to see the next phase of my life. The feeling of nurturing a family, loving someone is not an age old adage, its is as prudent as breathing. I think the kitty-party is over. 

Then, let me tell you didnt love at all.

Love was when we held a streched hands to each other, in the darkest of nights, caressing warmth into each others' souls.
Love was in those cackles and laughter after we'd cried tears and questions and blood. 
Love was not just scratching nails on backs, shouting lust. Love was the beautiful world we made under the blanket we made love in.
Love wasn't stepping out and leaving me ripped apart, love was staying beside me in the empty space with mundanity and blues, when leaving me promised you a better future.

Sadly, you left.
I didn't.

Read https://www.facebook.com/vinit.singh.3766?fref=ufi&rc=p 

This question has been dwelling inside me for quite sometime - Do we need to be just happy or pretend that everything is a place where every day rainbow appears. I am sorry but I strongly resent the idea, why featuring happy posts, happy memories on the social media or in life is the most sagacious of things. Life is rather raw it comes with its own packages so why such enforcement on being happy, only doing things that is acceptable to the society, why? Pretentious, isn't it?

For me it takes away my peace of mind, even nature has bad days and good days. why being sad is just like being on periods, you are suffering but you cant talk about it, why such a taboo? Be vulnerable, for someone it is attention seeking but there are people who will attend to you, or maybe once you are back to a better position you will fend for yourself. Why being weak such a stigma and being strong makes you the ultimate. Let people live, don't portray that life is full of sunshine, don't make yourself crippled, a robot to the trend. Expression requires an outlet, lets not define the channel.

Hello there!!!!

I have been on and off on this blog for more than five years now. The blog seriously works as a magic scribbling pad when I have not much to do or my mind is wandering for something productive. This blog doesn't  follow a set theme,  I love sharing what I experience or something that leaves mark in my memory.
This is my gateway for relaxation.

As I see the blog it made be realise I have not been relaxing much for sometime now, so I plunge to relax more share some interesting stuff that will certainly provide a different read to many of you , will post some interesting titbits..more importantly things that I love and I am sure would interest many others, like me.

So here I am welcoming you to my my blog and now let the blog do all the talking...!! 

Rains, why are you so special?

Is that because I could relate to u more than anything else,

Is that because you remind me of myself and my mood swings,

Is that because you invoke my many memories when I see you through the window pane and the way you fall on the glasses

Is that because your sound seems like a distant music, an unplugged guitar with beautiful lyrics

Is that because you make me feel that there is always a new beginning when life seems at its end

Is that because when you make the life stop with your wrath, I learn that survival is the only key, alone or otherwise

Or is that because, you are the only one who cries with me, and hide my tears!!

You embrace me, for what I am and that’s what I think makes you special to me.

My Freedom…My way!

When I started to think of what to write about My freedom,

For me My FREEDOM is all those tiny happiness that I get and remember.

My freedom is resting on my mother’s lap, laughing endlessly at my sister’s stupid jokes..or the tiffs now and then.

Serious talk with my brother. Or eat like a glutton without a guilt. Crave for love even being loved every second.

My Freedom is a Big Haversack Bag, some trendy clothes in that, a nice chic sunglass,

with an ipod handy and some books that are friendly.

A DSLR, a handycam…and a purse filled with plastic cash. An impulse to tour my Mother Land.

My freedom I wish was a vaccination to eradicate sorrows,

Freedom to me is a chance to live today, like there’s no tomorrow

Bleaching effect!!

Somehow this season has been too tough and rough on me. There are no major gains and I see no significant changes in life either. I m so very disoriented can any anyone really help to get my sanity back in place. No amount of adulation and wisdom words effect me any more. I really want to work towards a peaceful soul followed by my mind. I don't want any circumstances that bleaches me out of my true identity because what will remain after that will be lifeless.

Vanilla Hair

Today is one of those days when you feel that you were actually in Swiss Alps enjoying some snow, a warm fire place and some luxurious food or at least our very own Kashmir or Darjeeling would also do. As the mercury of the city rising my endurance level is terribly falling. If at all my option of Swiss Alps doesn’t work I don’t mind a shift to some tropical place like Hawaii….man! Just the name is enough to caress my senses. It’s just the not the sunny boy that’s a bothering factor but the whole activity of surviving the day. The least proximity to Swiss Alps is double scoop of vanilla ice-cream or a freezing blow from the open door of the fridge. Unfortunately, the cream melts faster then seconds and if the fridge's door is open for too long it invites some scolding from mom. And now the most crucial point that actually employed me the idea of writing the blog is my HAIR. Why I don’t understand, does hair has their own brain? I know they think, manipulate and even make schemes. No amoun of expensive gel or shampoo can change their mood. In fact all this homely 'nuskey' irritates them more. Just today, I combed hair for like half an hour to make it look straight and manageable but as I said there’s one bunch of hair that is stubborn and they will break but become straight. I don’t know if there is a connection between feeling really hot and my hair, but deep inside my mind shouts and says yes, they do have connection. Somehow in summer, the hair becomes fluffy, just like a dogs hair after they take a forceful bath. Although, dogs when they have three to four shake and bang!! Their hair is on place which so doesn’t work with us (at all we try that, we end up looking crazy). No amount of pampering works with my hair. So, there is always a cycle of worries that tangle and detangling them means loosing little bit of piece that I have acquired by practice. Actually, I want the scientists to work their brain and invent a portable AC and also, appeal my boss to increase my salary so that I afford a portable hair dresser.

"Le..lo.le..Lo festival lelo!!"

When I started writing this blog I wanted to comment on the comercialisation aspect of our festivals. Nevertheless, it just made me realize that this generation is of all the least making an effort to commercialize festival which is already very marketable in nature. If we don’t market festivals then what do we market??? Wind. Today is a very auspicious day for me, today is Pahela Baisakh. Today is the first day of the Bengali calendar and so we Hindus get one more chance to make New Year resolution and if things were amiss we can positively catch unto it now. Our New Year coincides with other parts of India, consequently the capacity of spenders to fritter boost and therefore, it gives marketer the potential customer at a very huge number. Most of us now days love to celebrate and are ready to adapt all the changes with it. Celebration during festivals means buying new clothes, devour variety of food in their palate, gifting, parties,get together, you name it and people are ready to acclimatize. People are open to the idea of splurging, so if such is the platform, so why shouldn’t marketers employ their option to the fullest. I say this is most favorable to enjoy being in the other side of the market and impart some happiness to the consumers. Just as I wrap up this piece I feel our festivals should me marketed to the globe just like April Fools Day or Valentines Day to say the least.

Apna AC-wala Bus

Ye kya hua...kaisa hua...kab hua...jo hua...!!!Let me actually not think this time and just feel benevolent and say few good things about our Government. However, whatever I speak further doesn’t by all means, means that I have any love for this boorish politics so to say. Oh Ho! No gyaan dyaan, I just want to exchange some pleasurable moments. Do many of us feel that these AC buses are a boon in this scorching sunny day. Its just not the ride that is a bliss but the whole experience with it. Our otherwise cranky driver and equally cranky conductors are exchanging pleasantries. At times joking not only with each other but with their passengers too. You no more hear “Pudey challa”… or see red furious eyes which might turn to be a nightmare. No one pushing you on purpose or otherwise. Now, my daily prayer has one less prayer that was of a smooth travelling by bus. What’s the first thing you hear in the morning? What’s the first thing read in the morning? What’s the first thing you do in the morning? Is that what will shape your whole day. So from now apart from whatever happens when I step out of my house my mood does get uplift when I know that I have a bus ride waiting. Though, those few extra bucks do create a hole in the wallet, but then what the heck. And so to add nowadays my sweat glands have a break, my ironed shirt looks as if I wore it instantly from the iron board, my eye make-up doesn’t ruin my face and yea, most importantly I catch some lazy nap continued from last night. What follows me is that song from the radio…. “Hoton ko karkey Gol…siti bajakey bol….ALL IZ WELL! ”

Resolution of blogging more

Since life has truned a New Leaf.....this leaf will give me more inspiritation to write more blogs and read blogs as well....

Tear of “a women”

Who says tear has no color, I differ and say tear has colors, moods and of course a mind of its own. And it has names too “kushiee ke ansoo”, crocodile tears, glycerin -wala ansoo these being few of the names. Women especially have a strange relationship with their tears. These tears are stored and are a never depleting source and then it changes and matures with time. When a women was a kid tears were a playful cry, a scold or a deep unwanted secret that was only to be shared with her friend. As the women gracefully attend teen’s, tears become far more demanding, very frequent, stubborn, and rebellious and that is when tears are the very doldrums of their life. Women never knows when their friendly tear becomes their love life a string that needs no nudge, even a slight blow can destroy its true existence. Tear becomes their first love; it becomes teardrops of sweet nothing, a wild temper, friendly gossip of laughter, a sense of neglect or else separation. Tear can rip one’s emotional balance; rather it is the proof that the woman is ripped. Women tears are blamed to be an excuse to melt people heart, for the opposite gender claim that women has the best self defense named tear. Then why women’s tears are unheard when they are treated as inferior section of society, why no one understands the tear that comes while signing a divorce decree and while they are been forced upon. Women tears are rainbow colored when their tears are full of love, they have happy color when a loved one has achieved something, tears transform into a color of concern and sometimes it actually becomes bloody red. Some of the best tears were when the women was just a child, it had only one mood and one color. That tear was just of being cared and the color was see-through.