A love note waiting to reach its destination.....

Hmmn! I have had bitter experiences and so did you, may be you don’t care and I care a bit too much. When we met I was all prepared to be rejected after few encounters, well that is how I know things work when you meet the way we did, but my convictions doesn’t want to believe any of the cliché as I believe everything happens for a reason. Whilst I was preparing for being rejected, on the other hand I was stepping closer to remind myself maybe it’s worth a try. Maybe I will cry a river not because you hurt me, you never promised me anything, you have been clear, but I will cry because it will be disappointing.

Why disappoint you will ask? Its not everyday that you click with someone like long lost friends or lovers and when you experience it, you just know. For the one you were destined to meet and then you realize whatever has happened, all the sequences of events that led you here was some kind of celestial intervention. There is too much glamour in soul to soul connectwala thing, I dont believe in it, a rustic person like me needs a partner in crime, a person who just fits not force fit.

Is it about my age that I want to hurry things –yes, it’s exactly the reason not the figurative age, here the age metaphors to my understanding, realization to what I want and why, what is it I m ready to give. I really like you and I am glad we are the way we are, I want to break away from every inhibitions and feel grounded in your presence. You make conversation so simple. You are this calm ocean and I am like the waves.

I know you would think I am bookish and dreamy, so let me be, let me bring this element in your life you be my practical version who straighten things out. I promise I won’t let you down.   

I was afraid to make eye contacts with you; you sent shivers down my spine every time. No, I am not afraid anymore and I will wait for it, whenever it will surface I am ready for the thrill, 

Be mine, I want to be loyal to you! 

A new leaf from the calendar!

I am thankful to the years that thought me to differentiate between dreams and aspirations, success and achievement, forgiveness and pity, confidence and peace, fear and insecurity, technology and dependence. I have unlearn to have a plan, because if someone asked me 8 years back about my plans for 5 years I thought I had it all sorted only to realize that your plans are never yours, so I have devised a backup plan not to have a plan at all and go with the flow. Instead I have made few goals and trying all the possible things to reach there.

I am thankful to the years that thought me to differentiate between dreams and aspirations, success and achievement, forgiveness and pity, confidence and peace, fear and insecurity, technology and dependence. I have unlearn to have a plan, because if someone asked me 8 years back about my plans for 5 years I thought I had it all sorted only to realize that your plans are never yours, so I have devised a backup plan not to have a plan at all and go with the flow. Instead I have made few goals and trying all the possible things to reach there.

I am thankful that today I can raise voice with an opinion, be happy for the friends who were once very close to me and now they only exist in my social media pages, I no longer feel left out or the urge to be part of the rat race. I do appreciate that its one life and one must experience whatever life throws at you. I am thankful that I have become stronger every time I have a let down. I am thankful to realize there will be many who will swing in and out of your life yet in the end you will only see your family standing there with hopes. Some will keep you as an option and few more closer ones will always judge you but that’s how it is and it only makes clearer about people’s stand in your life.

I am thankful that today I don’t feel the compulsion to have people around me, I still can’t believe I enjoy my company, I go to restaurants and certainly enjoy my meal all alone. I can now travel without feeling the jitters of travelling alone. I am thankful to see the number of people turn up to me for advices or only for chats. I am thankful today I think it’s better to buy gold than cloths. I am thankful that I love to take vacation with my family as much as I would with friends.

I am thankful that few things in me are still intact and I don’t see its going to change ever, my love for food, my love for animals, my love for music, and I still think I will be there with people in their bad times than being part of their happy times.

It has been a long journey, there are lots to learn, lots to achieve, and lots to be grateful for. I am grateful that I have a better life than many may dream of, as I end here, I certainly cannot agree more to the verses from my favorite song…

“tujhse naaraz nahin zindagi hairan hoon main, tere masoom sawaalon se pareshan hoon main, jeene ke liye sochaa hi nahin dard sambhaalne honge, muskuraye to muskurane ke karz utaarne honge, muskuraye jo kabhi to lagta hai jaise hothon pe karz rakha hai aankh agar bhar aai hain boondein baras jayengi, kal kya pata kis ke liye aankhen taras jayengi, jaane kahan gum hua kahan kho gaya, ek aansoo chhupa ke rakha tha, zindagi tere gham ne hume rishte naye samjhaye, dhoop mein mile jo bhi mile pyar ke thande saaye... “

A phase I may come back to find solace in the words.

Does one sided feeling happen at this age, somehow it seems so childish yet it is an integral part of an adult life more than in any phase. I was so sure of my choices, I know things take time, esp human relationship because its two different people coming together and trying to set a common ground. I have met some amazing guys, I mean such amazing souls that I just cant bring myself to terms, they could walk all over you.These men are the ones, if you meet them on a rainy day, they'll be the first people who will offer you an umbrella and safeguard you.

Strangely when it comes to emotional (romantic) bonding they can be as cold as a ice.I wonder do they realize? Or their fantasy overpowers their practical side. Or is it me that I establish  myself as someone too self-content or gullible. Well, I am self- content yes, because I don't want to be in anyone's life as a liability. I want to love someone, dedicate my time because they mean so much. Is it so wrong to not portray yourself as vulnerable, I am genuinely confused.

Why do we have to compromise love, why unwarranted factors are so important, why cant feeling be about feelings, why it has become business like  transaction. And it is even more strange that people justify it, people justify all the manipulations over unconditional love. All great stories and life experiences teach us to love unconditionally, respect even if you are not receiving it, yet when it comes to realization we tend to adapt to rules which has nothing to do with true feelings but rules framed to fit. A baby is not thought to love its birth giver, it is the most unrefined and form, no one is thought to love or being kind. It is the most innate human characteristics. But we are all busy proving a point which is otherwise.

I am a child trapped in a grown-up body, which is why I can immediately recognize whom I want in my life and am the most comfortable with. Well when we talk about relationships, love, feelings, how can we ignore responsibility, the most important to bind everything together. Responsibility again has some grotesque definitions, more often or so people envelop command and order in the form of responsibility. So if you oblige with what people say and follow the order you are the most responsible. However, there's hardly any person who will notice  your involuntary contribution. How elusive! We have such strong definition affiliated with responsibility, if at home your idea of unwinding is just being in your space not talking, you are termed as irresponsible or detached, cant someone rather notice this as an aspects of ones characteristics, as they are so relaxed in the comfort and warmth of their home, the only place in the world where they want to feel freedom even in the four walls of the house.

I mostly follow my heart and yes I have faced pitfalls but at the end of all the heartaches and troubles, I pat myself that I tried sincerely and survived all. I have hurt people in the past and I really am sorry of being such a ludicrous of a person. Despite, I don't want to turn back time. I don't want to be here either, I do want to see the next phase of my life. The feeling of nurturing a family, loving someone is not an age old adage, its is as prudent as breathing. I think the kitty-party is over. 

Then, let me tell you didnt love at all.

Love was when we held a streched hands to each other, in the darkest of nights, caressing warmth into each others' souls.
Love was in those cackles and laughter after we'd cried tears and questions and blood. 
Love was not just scratching nails on backs, shouting lust. Love was the beautiful world we made under the blanket we made love in.
Love wasn't stepping out and leaving me ripped apart, love was staying beside me in the empty space with mundanity and blues, when leaving me promised you a better future.

Sadly, you left.
I didn't.

Read https://www.facebook.com/vinit.singh.3766?fref=ufi&rc=p 

This question has been dwelling inside me for quite sometime - Do we need to be just happy or pretend that everything is a place where every day rainbow appears. I am sorry but I strongly resent the idea, why featuring happy posts, happy memories on the social media or in life is the most sagacious of things. Life is rather raw it comes with its own packages so why such enforcement on being happy, only doing things that is acceptable to the society, why? Pretentious, isn't it?

For me it takes away my peace of mind, even nature has bad days and good days. why being sad is just like being on periods, you are suffering but you cant talk about it, why such a taboo? Be vulnerable, for someone it is attention seeking but there are people who will attend to you, or maybe once you are back to a better position you will fend for yourself. Why being weak such a stigma and being strong makes you the ultimate. Let people live, don't portray that life is full of sunshine, don't make yourself crippled, a robot to the trend. Expression requires an outlet, lets not define the channel.

Hello there!!!!

I have been on and off on this blog for more than five years now. The blog seriously works as a magic scribbling pad when I have not much to do or my mind is wandering for something productive. This blog doesn't  follow a set theme,  I love sharing what I experience or something that leaves mark in my memory.
This is my gateway for relaxation.

As I see the blog it made be realise I have not been relaxing much for sometime now, so I plunge to relax more share some interesting stuff that will certainly provide a different read to many of you , will post some interesting titbits..more importantly things that I love and I am sure would interest many others, like me.

So here I am welcoming you to my my blog and now let the blog do all the talking...!! 

Rains, why are you so special?

Is that because I could relate to u more than anything else,

Is that because you remind me of myself and my mood swings,

Is that because you invoke my many memories when I see you through the window pane and the way you fall on the glasses

Is that because your sound seems like a distant music, an unplugged guitar with beautiful lyrics

Is that because you make me feel that there is always a new beginning when life seems at its end

Is that because when you make the life stop with your wrath, I learn that survival is the only key, alone or otherwise

Or is that because, you are the only one who cries with me, and hide my tears!!

You embrace me, for what I am and that’s what I think makes you special to me.